I'm sorry, but I'm just not quite sure how else to address this letter.
We've had a rocky relationship these past five years, haven't we? I knew when Riley and I got married that it wouldn't always be easy, but I never imagined that you would be the cause of so much of our marital strife. Yeah, I know you think you were subtle... you were not. I knew all about your relationship. Well, after we were already married, that is. It didn't take long then for me to realize that when he walked in the door after a long day of hard work, that you had never been far from his mind. We had plenty of heated discussions over you. I told him that I just couldn't deal with your presence in his life. He said that he needed you and the support that you gave him. He was comfortable with you. A little too comfortable, if you ask me. Eventually, we just stopped talking about you. But you never left. You were the elephant in the room. The horrible, ugly, beige, reclining elephant sitting right there in the corner of the living room. I didn't like it, but I had begun to give up, believing that I would just have to come to terms with the fact that you were always going to be a part of our lives. No matter how close I would try to get to Riley, you would always come between us. Literally.
But, no more. Because, guess what? In just a few short weeks we'll be moving onto a sailboat. Yeah, I know you know... you were never far away when Riley was scheming or dreaming. Looking over his shoulder as he read his sailing magazines, and supporting him as he made his plans. But what you probably didn't realize, is that Riley is leaving you behind. No, even better. He's letting you go, completely. I win, you lose.
However, before you go, I just want to thank you. Thank you for teaching me patience. Thank you for helping me to learn not to let ugly, insignificant things come between a man and wife. Thank you for reminding me that in time, good always triumphs over evil.
I hope you make some other man very, very happy. This time, maybe you could try to find one without a wife.