Oct 2, 2013

husbands say the darndest things (while sleeping)

this was actually mid-song.  remind me to tell you about that sometime...
The best part about living with a sleep talker is trying to get them to carry on a complete conversation while still asleep.  I never hear Riley laugh quite as loudly or talk quite as animatedly as he does when he's sleeping.  It doesn't even bother me that he's constantly waking me up because it's just so hilarious.  Riley has said so many crazy things while sleeping, that I started to write them down so that I could read them back to him in the morning.  The enjoyment we got out of it was just too good not to share.*

Riley: How are we gonna catch one of those?
Me: One of what?
Riley: Bottle caps!  We're supposed to catch one of those bottle caps!

I imagine this one to be some sort of flying fish scenario in which the fish are actually bottle caps.  But really, I have no idea... and neither does he.

Riley: Were those pancakes out of waffle mix?
Me: Yeah, why?
Riley: Hmmm.  Well, I guess they'll hold syrup pretty well.  I know it's expensive, ain't it?

I guess we have been eating a lot of pancakes lately...

Riley: Please don't try connecting anything.
Me: Like what?
Riley: Like any refrigeration lines of the sort.
Me: Why not?
Riley: Because it has to be done in a certain order and fashion.

Bossy, right?  Maybe this is another reason why I am so insecure about my "handy man" skills.

Riley:  Uh oh!  That sounds scary!
Me: What?
Riley: Having blades hurl past me!

This one just has to be part of acting out his childhood Indiana Jones fantasy.  But again, we have no idea.

And lastly, my all time favorite:

Riley: HAHAhahaha!  They've even got the little one saying it now!

If you only knew just how badly I wanted to know what the "little one" was and what exactly it was saying!!!

*all ridiculous nonsense printed with approval.

If that's not enough husband humor for you, check out the funny things The Lady Okie's husband says... while awake.

Are you a sleep talker, or do you know one?  Do you have any crazy conversations to share?


  1. My mom told me once that I'm a sleep-mumbler — nothing is clear enough to understand, but that I'm definitely trying to talk. But I've had weird conversations with my husband when he's asleep! When he starts talking, I always ask him if he's awake, and he always says "yes" but he's really not.

  2. LOL....This could be a lot of fun for you! You could get him to tell you things he might not say while awake :)

  3. hahaha! I love that you posted these. Thanks for letting her, Riley! I am the crazy sleep talker of our relationship. I haven't done it in a while, though. Sad day. Once my brother woke up in the middle of the night and told a knock knock joke in his sleep. We were camping, so the whole family was in a tent together. I think I was the only one who heard it, though, so I don't think anyone believed me.

  4. Oh Allison! These are hilarious! If you need me, I'll be off finding a way to train my husband to talk in his sleep!

    1. Haha! If only you could! It does make for some great entertainment.

  5. I think mine has yours beat. He used to do a lot of gaelic babbling in his sleep.......he's from dublin and spent some summers in the gaeltacht (an area of galway where they still speak gaelic). that's not even funny though, just a little weird. he did thoroughly applaud himself one night, which my best friend witnessed because we started married life in a studio and he'd gone to bed and we watching tv. but the best of the best..............he hummed the ENTIRE bonanza theme song. the whole shabang. it's not a short as you think. it was pretty classic.

  6. whaaaaaaaaat?! That's a riot. I'm sorta wishing my husband had this characteristic, now. He's only sounded ridiculous when I've woken him up (accidentally) and he's still in sleep mode. And if he fully wakens to my laughter, he gets embarrassed :)

    1. I think Riley used to get embarrassed about it, too. Eventually he realized that I was trying to laugh with him, instead of at him, and he finally fully appreciated the hilarity of it all. :)

  7. To funny!!
    Doing a giveaway, would love for you to check it out!

  8. Hahahaha!!! Hilarious! All I got to marry was a sleep grunter..it startles me more than anything

  9. Hahaha! Thanks for a good laugh. Rob actually does this all the time too. When we were first married I didn't realize that he was sleep talking...I thought he was awake because his coversations actually make sense sometimes. One of my favorites now (but not when it happened because it scared me at the time) was when I woke up to him asking in a frantic voice "where's the ammunition?"...of course I panicked and said "Why? What's wrong?" Luckily his response after that didn't make sense so I was able to figure out that he was sleep talking. I need to keep a book with all the things he says because it's hilarious now and I love to keep the conversation going to see what he will say. Can't wait to read your posts while you are on your sailing trip! Have a great time :)

    1. Ah! I can totally see how that would scare you! Ask him if he can tone down the violence of the sleep talking. :)

  10. Hello Allison,

    I found your blog via Wildcard Wednesday and really enjoyed this post. :) I am a newbie blogger and trying to find other bloggesses to connect with, so looking forward to connecting more with you and getting to know you. My boyfriend does the same thing and he never recalls it. I should start writing them down too because I just start laughing in the middle of the night due to all the silly things he says. Looking forward to reading more about your sailing adventures!

    Take Care,

  11. hehehehe! Mitch is the same and sometimes you can't tell if he's asleep or not. One day he told me not to talk to him while he's sleep talking....so next time he slept talked he sat up and pointed to the middle of the bed and asked "How many bolts are in there?". So I didn't answer him. He watched me for a couple of minutes before saying "take your time!!"

  12. Omg! This is too funny. I love your responses :)

  13. bahahaha. Oh man.
    I'm the sleeptalker in our relationship - thank high heavens that my husband doesn't have a blog.

  14. Even Lauren read this post! He said "I'd always wondered what a genius dreamed about!" :)
    Love you two!

    1. Hahaha! Yes, now we have just a small glimpse of the inner workings of the mind of a genius. :)

  15. This is too funny. My husband sleep talks, but I can't never understand him. Man, I wish I could.

  16. This is awesome. I am a huge sleep talker. During college, I would always fall asleep when a group of my friends and I would be studying into the wee hours of the morning, and they just had waaaaaay too much fun with my delirium.


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